The doctor stared at the screen silently. We had just found out that we were having twin girls, and we were anticipating a celebratory sonogram. Yet the doctor’s silence spoke volumes in my head. Finally, he turned his chair around toward us and invited us to go into another, more comfortable room. It was in this room where he uttered the words “twin-to-twin-transfusion syndrome” and a laser surgery that is a possible fix. I do not remember much more from that conversation because of the ringing in my ears.
While I had been through some heart ache seasons before, nothing could have prepared me for the soul suffering that Sarah and I were about to face. From there a roller coaster ride of events with surges of hope to drops of despair filled the next few months that ended with the burial of our daughters Maggie and Ellen, but spared the life of my wife Sarah who could have easily died of infection. I still feel the effects of those months physically, spiritually, and emotionally even today. At the same time, I am strangely grateful for that season. For that season taught me what James meant when he wrote, “consider it pure joy when trials come upon you.”
I do not wish that season upon anyone else, nor do I believe that God caused that season of suffering in our lives. I do, however, believe that God was with us and never abandoned us as we walked through the valley of the shadow of death. God has used that season over and over in our lives to somehow bring about good.
For me personally, on my own discipleship journey, it has meant the enlargement of my soul. I have always been a kind person, but compassion and empathy did not come easily for me until this season of suffering. I also had to learn patience and to slow down in that season, which are not natural qualities of my persona either.
Part of living in what we call a broken world and what the Bible writers called the present evil age is that suffering happens. Paul says that “suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; and character produces hope.” In another letter he talked about his own personal thorn in the flesh that three times he asked God to take away, but the word he received from the Lord was, “My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness.”
Working within this fragmented world then, God takes our suffering and uses it to grow us as human beings being more formed in his image each day. We certainly cannot control the suffering that happens in our lives, but we can be aware of God’s presence in the midst of suffering, and reflect upon the ways God has used that time to grow us spiritually as we look forward to the day where God will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more hunger, no more pain, and we will worship the Lamb at the center of the throne.
Soul Growth Part 2 - Suffering
Most excellent, Ray. Thanks for sharing your heart.